Musicology.

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 I have been on a major music kick lately and have been trying to find different things to listen to. I have been craving music with a little bit of a rustic feel to it, songs with violins and banjos and beautifully sung lyrics. I have been listening to a lot of nickel creek, art in manila, and edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros. Luckily I have a job where I am exposed to all sorts of music during the day, things I never would have heard if the playlist hadn't had it on it.

My favorite songs right now are:

Roll away your stone by Mumford & Sons.

Generator 1st Floor & Generator 2nd Floor by Freelance Whales

Camera by Rabbit! 


 I highly recommend these!

all hallows eve.

  I decided to do my costume the cheap way this year by only using things I had on hand, enter Chelsea from Seablanket... She did an amazing tutorial on how to make your own lady bird costume over on A Beautiful Mess. I followed her tutorial and added a few of my own tweaks like making a dress from scratch instead of using a pillowcase (because my boobs will NOT fit in one of those things) and using a slightly brighter fabric because its what I had in my house. I also decided to add an owl mask to make the costume a little more obvious, so I made one from the Martha Stewart website. I didn't have any crepe paper or glue for some reason so I made mine out of cardboard and construction paper and then stitched all the pieces together. Yes, I stitched paper together. It actually turned out pretty well but I will have to wait until later tonight to post pictures of the actual costume I made because I have absolutely no idea where my camera is and its 5 am.

Day two.

So I am attempting to change the amount I eat as well and today I cut my intake down to 1500 calories. All of it in fruit and vegetables and some whole wheat toast and egg whites. I have upped my intake of water to almost a gallon  a day. I know I should probably be drinking more. Well a good start so far. We shall see how it goes.

Day one.

via*

 Today is the first day of my new way of eating... Going full time vegetarian again for health benefits. I have been slowly weening myself off of meat for about a month now. Eating less and less every day until I can get down to only vegetables and tofu and a little whole wheat thrown in for good measure. I have also been doing the p90x workout but I am thinking it may be a little intense for me and I might switch to just running/biking again for about an hour each day until I can get my stamina back up. I am moving to Georgia next year and would really like to get into shape so that I can ride my bike around the campus of my new school and possibly around the area I am going to live with Ben strapped into a baby seat on the back without feeling exhausted. I think giving myself a little under a year to lose weight and just get healthy in general is enough time to change the way I live before I move. I want my move to be all about changing my life for the better, every part of it. I may be posting photo updates and weight stats but I will wait and see how things go first. Wish me luck! 

p.s. for those of you in need of some amazing mixes for running/biking or whatever go here !

My favorite.

via*

I did a sick, sick thing to my love.
My lack of loyalty, it swallowed her up.
And she cooks me food.
She squirmed and turned like a skeleton key.

She left her man unattended to me.
Don't call me that.
Don't claim you love me
cause you know that ain't true.

And you're finally free
to twist and turn like a skeleton key.

You've gotta let me know.
You've gotta let me know.

I did a horrible thing to that girl.
I bread my misery and drowned it in her.
And she got me high,
And I hardly noticed there were tears in her eyes.

And I miss you less and less everyday.
It's true the whiskys helped to wash you away.

And it's clear to see,
You're nothing special.
You're a skeleton key.

You've gotta let me know.
You've gotta let me know.
You've gotta let me know.
You've gotta let me know.

Whooo! 


 This is a beautiful song by Margot and the nuclear so & so's. I am completely in love with them and their music. The lyrics in every song astound me. 


 I posted this one because I have been having relationship issues in my life and I feel like this says everything I have been feeling. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years to date a boy who I have been interested in for about 5 years and then he decided that he didn't want to commit to just me. I feel like I am the girl in the song. I feel like his   unwillingness to be in a monogamous relationship with was eating me up. The boy who I was ready to commit myself too after years of him begging me to be with him decided that now that I am free he doesn't want me anymore. I have lost the appeal of being unavailable. I thought I was different and he wouldn't treat me like he has treated all of the other girls. I thought I meant something to him since I have been there through thick and thin for him, but he pulled away as soon as I got close. Last weekend we spent both days hanging out with each other, he finally met my close group of friends. The friends that I never even introduced to my ex. The friends that I guard closely because they are my sanctuary. I let him in and he fucked me over. 
 On sunday I went to work and he spent all day lounging at my house and later told me he has never felt comfortable enough with someone to do that, that he always feels awkward in other peoples homes but not with me. That with me it was different. Then on tuesday, after not talking to him since I took him home on sunday, he tells me he is having a rough week and needs a couple days alone. I told him that was fine because I have been feeling stressed because of having to deal with my ex about our custody arrangement for our 2 year old. Last night I called boy to invite him out with my friends and I and he said he would just like to stay in and watch movies at his house. I told him that was fine and maybe I would see him the next day. We end our conversation on a pleasant note. I go out to dinner and a show with my friends at a club in the city. We decide to walk over to a nearby club and see some of our friends. As I am talking to my friend I feel like someone is looking at me so I turn around and suddenly I am eye to eye with boy. Boy who said he was at home watching movies alone. Boy who said he needed time because stress. 
 He sees me and proceeds to act like he didn't and tries to walk past. I pull him in for a pseudo hug and whisper "fuck you. i'm done" in his ear. He started yammering on going "wait... no, no , no. that's not how this is supposed to happen. just wait.... i will be right back." I turn around and tell my friends what just happened and they are both angry now so we move to another spot near the bar so he can't find us. I finally run into him again by the bathrooms and he says his friend came over and dragged him out. I tell him that I believe that but I am angry because this "friend" is his ex...
  He has a cycle for his relationships and I know it because I have seen him do it time and time again. To every single girl he has dated since we have known each other.  I am going to admit something I am not proud of... I know his pattern because I have been "the other woman" for almost every relationship he was in... He has broken up with girl after girl for me or called me while he was dating somebody and lied to them about who he was talking to on the phone. I was obsessed/in love with this boy and he made me think what we were doing was okay. And now I am the girl he is "dating" so his ex has assumed my role of being in the background. I think this time it is really over between us. He knows I am angry and I don't think I would ever trust him to be faithful because this is how he does things. It makes me sad because he is somebody I have AMAZING chemistry with but I am not willing to let him walk all over me because we get along well. I will mourn this relationship mainly for the loss of our friendship but in the end I will be better off.

sewing away my night.

a few weeks ago i went on a thrift store excursion with my friends. we went to smaller towns and scouted out all of the best antique and secondhand stores. i found these amazing doilies and decided i wanted to make pillows out of them. i was worried they would end up looking old ladyish but i think it turned out fine!

this was the first one i made and i realized i want to make the next one a lot larger so that the doily is centered on the pillow instead of touching the edges. i think this one will go on my bed for now...

cuddlemonster.

 he has been very clingy lately. if i am on the computer he will grab my arm and hug it and start kissing it and going "thank you, thank you" and patting my hand. it's not like he doesn't get a lot of attention, he is an only child! so i am not sure where this is coming from but i love it.